The Gratitude of Costs

If gratitude costs nothing, then how do we obtain it?  Life hacks are a great trick when you are young, in order to build that world of belief that most adults have.  Whether it’s a belief in themselves, in science, in the civilized world, or in country.  So many adults believe in something that allows them to be trusted day in and day out with regular things.

So how about me? Where are the words to answer how was your day, or what did you do yesterday.  Articles about depression and problems turn me off every time, reading something that doesnt expand my mind bothers me.  But what bothers me more then a lack of happiness that comes from surprises, friends, and the little things – is the happiness or gratitude that comes from loving yourself.

Without being a spokesperson for helping people live a normal life by fixing them, I need to accept that I should be a voice for therapy, depression, CHEO early onset hearing loss, concussion/ trauma to go along with positives like the pride from the fabric of our great country and the human spirit.  This would be a big step for me personally because I feel so much shame regarding these topics.

I can name the disease if I wish and say that I am going deaf, and wear a hearing aid, but to wear a hearing aid is to hide a part of your spirit.  What that means is that we all have challenges as human beings on earth and often the warmest we feel is a closeness to friends, excelling athletically, or helping strangers.  When the conversations lead to sympatico, such as the flags for france, I begin to feel cold inside or distant.  This is an endothermic reaction to heal the soul when something hurts, and it is relative to someone hitting your arm and then hugging you. its all in an effort for closeness and its usually unintentional.  Now you can see that it is my pride that keeps me from accepting this behaviour.

I actually was ok with this behaviour for a long time until i realized I was having strong maladaptive tendencies after moving a few times and having relationships crushed.  When my parents divorced the shame set in, and this time it was hidden from my friends and I was too proud to open up to girls I liked.  My friends were all about perserverance, individuality, pride and conscientousness.  So when I started having shame build up it was a challenge.  I now know what it means to “out yourself”, and its terrifying.  It’s also unecessary, and I can’t believe how complicated it is.

One of my friends was doing what I would hope I would do, even though I was mixed up all over, he was asking me questions, listening to me, and showing compassion.  I always thought that compassion is what would help people overcome shame.  I tried so hard to get back onto my sports team but coach said, behind my back, that I was a spacecase and people should try to avoid me on the team.  The team that was all I had left didnt like me, my mom was struggling to get a settlement from my loser father who fought her hard enough that he got fired from his job for a lack of focus. The friend I had left asked me to come to terms with things, and I couldn’t do it. Divorced parents discounts the only respect for relationships left in my blood.

Shame feels like your falling, and the beliefs of those around you become what you cling to.  You are orbiting these values and trying to grab something, or possibly you are trying to push things away, depending on your outlook.  Either way, I was alone, and I was outing myself as much as I could.  Every lie I ever told was brought up, every mistake I might have made, every time I got help rather then use my own resources.  Shame and guilt are nasty because its a new feeling about something that might have always been that way, and the path backwards is black but you seek the answers anyways.

The Hack bring back my narcissistic need to get out of depressive situations.  I am maladaptive, I have no one in my family that can provide the support for depression that I need.  Even financial depressions impact my family, and lack of information depresses my dad into making horrible decisions, and emotional depression impacts my mom.  but she never lies and she acts with integrity all the time, and she loves her kids with all her heart and empathetically,  btw she learned complete empathy as an older child or teen! i dont know when but she did it so it can be done…ljucky for me I got all the mirroring techniques etc as a kid and I can face any situation thanks to it!  I also have a sensationalist tendency to let my listening and senses talk for me, even if there is a better word.  And this took me away from logic and away from logic.  It makes me passionate instead of humble. but school will beat you out of that in order to get to the critical thinking..
Crushing your soul with every good, great, bad, try harder that you get at school.  When you are ashamed of yourself and out yourself, then you are prone to be hard enough on yourself for not fitting in.  so glad that I can get my soul back

The loyalty that feels like a trap when you lose your empathy for people who can’t see inside of you is so hard to deal with.  Truth is schools should pay smart people to go and learn, and if your not smart enough then you shouldn’t go.  Scholarships or nothing! I had 1000 dollars per year that I gave up when my parents got divorce and violated their half of the bargain.  depression won.

Im grateful for the social worker that works with me every month to get me back on the”real”.  to give me the same feelings that we all have regarding fear, and allowing me to grow and deal with feelings so that I appreciate feelings.  at the same time I need to remember not to care about things that dont help the greater the evil guy that people need, but also the down to earth guy that is at home in any setting.

And I’m grateful for the positive treatment from my concussion specialist that was paired with goal setting and brain testing.  I still remember that positivity that came from his ability to be thoughtul, intelligent and thorough in his studies, it was basic positivity to support the actual healing i was doing on my own!!!!

Healing occurs on your own! but people can be positive, thoughtful, help you relate.

Guess what this guy did in his spare time, he took the common patients issues that were going unadressed by the world and getting the seed funding for his affiliate school “family to work on”.

We should look at art as a gift to us and a gift we share to give and receive gratitude is the ability of art.  Although it is up to us to personally evolve our tastes or world certain things will give us great enjoyment.  It is the act of giving that allows for patience and focus to evolve around something that we have either longed for, not known we liked, believed in etc.


The Gratitude of Costs

Not sure what to eat.

Today I woke up and I looked at my fridge and found 3 tupperwares of chicken parm / vegetables, 2 more tupperwares with apple cinnamon oatmeal   ,and in the cupboards I had shelves full of raw ingredients.
I decided that I can keep preparing these meals in bulk quite easily for myself, but I have to consider the tastes of the family, the costs, and the time.  There are go to dishes that every family eats but since I have some time on my hands right now, I thought that rather then find new recipes…which are everywhere, I want to look into balancing the nutritional needs with the raw ingredients in my house.  That way I will be one step closer to “Chez Healthy, Smart, and affordable”.

If you want to try a new concept, the best way to do that is not miss the buiding blocks at the bottom. Seeing as how we live in one of the more fertile countries, or at least north of the border of them, we have access to almost any dietary need, which is helpful.

So what I want to understand first is what ways will food affect my body depending on which eating habits are good for me and bad for me,
then what portions can I be having and be healthy? What frequency?
Then what habits do I have that I can change to suit healthy eating
Then which vitamins are essential, and what is the density/ life of the nutrients
then what impact am I have on the environment and water ways
then how much time and resources are going into this
then what is available to me at the store and what can I cook.

Portions:  Pretty simple to understand healthy portion sizes when you consider that we are all over eating all the time.  If you went to mcdonalds and got a big mac, small diet coke and small fries, that would be a full portion.  not the double, not the cheese, not the large fries and drink.  The idea that we eat to much is way too sensitive of a topic, I love how much I eat, but I am willing to change that.

After two weeks of healthy eating my cravings all the time went down
After a month my nutrition had improved so much that I was feeling emotionally healthier.
After six weeks I was eating the exact amount I needed for the level of activity I was doing, and it was as easy as committing to better eating habits.

Brain food: glucose in forms from fruits, veggies and carbs are eaten by your brain at a greedy 20% of its total consumption.  Caution here because your brain and body will start dying if you are pumping too high a level of sugar into them. (25-30 g at one time approx. amount in a banana)

Eating frequency:  3 meals a day is what is most common to us and is certainly a favorite of mine, but if I was to wage a war on the commonplace meal times I would start with the portions then move onto frequency?  what can you do to eat at work, save your money, and enjoy conversations about eating a variety of food choices all while eating optimally.
– if you are eating more often you are: changing the chemical release patterns, deterring away from common sense, reducing portion size, possibly stabilizing insulin production Allowing for creativity the following is important findings:
– If you are a man your frequency of vegetables and fruits should almost be 2/1 of women. Multiple colors is a simple way of choosing a wide range of vegetables
(Important to know the vege colours) improve mineral absorbsion.
cauliflower, mushrooms, onions, bananas, pears are WHITE help with colon prostate and breast cancer by making natural b and t killer cells
BLUE blueberries, eggplant, grapes, plums also fight cancer!
RED YELLOW Tomato sauce, tomatoes, red peppers, cherries, watermelon, corn, peppers, oranges, squash, Blood pressure and free radicals
GREEN: saalad, spinach etc.  digestion.

foods for me: mangoes which have antioxidants that help with glucose levels and fibre

Not sure what to eat.